I no longer have a grandmother

We rushed back to China to see my grandmother in case it would be the last time.
And it really became the last time.

I lead my life so that I live without regrets.
But now,
I have so many regrets around my grandmother.

Not seeing her enough in the years before now,
not letting her see me getting married, and for me to do the marital bows to her,
not giving her a chance to hold my child as I still don't have one now,
not getting to spend another Spring Festival with her again like I so wanted to,
not being able to give her one last hug before she departed forever as she was stuck in the hospital bed,
not looking at her long enough one last time before I left for the train back to Beijing, as I wanted myself to believe that she would survive this time, and that I would see her again...